The First Day

My intentions are to write some posts in an attempt to play "catch-up" on how the first few months of mommyhood have gone.  However, I also have daily, sometimes hourly, thoughts that I want to get down.  So I believe I will blog as needed and add little "flashback" posts as necessary. 

For now, I feel the need to talk about the first day.  Not the first day of mommyhood.  The first day when Cody goes back to work.  He does not work set days.  His schedule rotates.  (Kind of a 4 on/4 off gig).  The first day he goes back to work is ALWAYS a challenge.  I'll admit it has gotten easier, but it's still hard.  I think the reasoning for this is I've had four whole days with him home to help with Cooper, allowing me more "me" time and all of a sudden I get thrown into 4 days of being a "single parent." Cody works nights so my days alone are actually days and nights.  Cody gets home by 6:30AM and goes straight to bed, as he should.  But that puts me alone with Cooper all night, then all morning until Cody wakes up, gives me a few hours to do what I want, and then the cycle repeats...for three more days.  In the beginning I would wake up on "the first day" and be cranky.  Almost just downright hateful.  Being a new mom is challenging enough, working on practically no sleep is even more challenging, and then doing it alone for four days straight creates resentment.  I'm not saying I need sympathy because I'm the only mom who has a working husband.  But whereas the typical family goes to work from 8-5, Cody is gone for 12 hours, not including late calls where he may be tied up for two or three additional hours.  I, myself have gone back to work.  Part time in our dispatch center.  Being part time has allowed me to pick and choose my schedule so I can work when Cody is off, preventing us from having to pay horrendous daycare fees.  But there was a time where I would go to work just to get out of the house.  If I was at work, I was not on baby duty.  It breaks my heart to say that and it's not like I don't enjoy spending time with Cooper.  But I became resentful of the fact that Cody got a 12 hour "break" four times a week and I was lucky to cram a shower into my schedule (I swear there have been days I've thought, "Hmmmm I'm not really sure when I showered last..."  It's gross, but if you have children, you know exactly what I'm talking about.)

At any rate, a lot of my resentment has subsided.  Cooper is sleeping through the night (for the most part) so being a "night shifter" myself, I use a lot of that time to catch up on household chores.  The extra sleep has certainly helped my attitude as well.  I try to show my appreciation for Cody's hard work.  Without him, I would never be able to spend as much time at home as I have and I hope he knows how grateful I am for that.  With all that being said, tonight is a "first night."  Cody is napping in preparation for his shift, Cooper is also napping in preparation for the next feeding I suppose.  I know I could lie down and be sound asleep instantly.  But that doesn't get the dishes done, or the laundry put away....or a shower accomplished.  So I guess I will pull from my secret stash of "mommy energy" (which I think is stored in that "mommy pooch" that now covers my belly.  Sit-ups aren't taking care of it so it must have a better reason for sticking around.) and take care of the behind the scenes housework.  It's funny how exhausting it is to maintain even a decent looking home (much less the clean, everything-in-its-place home you had pre-baby) and then people see it and think "She's such a put-together mom."

Meanwhile you're thinking, "I hope they don't notice I haven't showered in three days...."