Angels

Angels are never too distant to hear you.  ~Author Unknown
I have decided it is time to dig into the depths of my experience with medicine and give you more medicine-related entries.  After all, this is a blog about paramedics.  One of the first topics that comes to mind is a few instances that helped turn me into the kind of paramedic I am today.  Not a class I took or a certain amount of hours with a field training officer.  It was prayer.  Perhaps I should correct myself.  It IS prayer. 

Whether you think I am crazy is not for me to say.  Believe as you will and I as I will.  I truly believe angels are around us and are sent to help us.  The key is you have to ASK for their help.  I think you have to actually speak with God and tell Him you rely on His blessings.  There are two instances where I have had an angel next to me.  Once, it was there for someone else.  The other, it was there because I asked. 

The first episode came while I was working in an emergency room.  Margaret was an elderly woman from a nursing home who was, to put it bluntly, sent to the hospital to die.  She had no family, no friends.  She had us.  The staff who poked and prodded her with tubes and needles during her last hours.  Margaret, believed to have some mental instability (ie dementia, Alzheimer's, soemthing of the sort) continually would attempt to climb out of her bed.  She would gaze to her right and reach onto the rails as if to follow something.  Or perhaps, someone.  I knew her time was limited and the thought of her dying alone in a cold, fluorescent-lit hospital broke my heart.  I stood by her side to "watch over her and make sure she didn't fall out of bed."  Or so I told my co-workers.  I knew she would be dying soon and I wanted to give her a hand to hold.  Someone to tell her it was going to be OK.  I stood with Margaret.  She held my hand, gazed into my eyes, turned away from me and reached out again.  As we were preparing to move Margaret upstairs to a private room, she looked at me and I could tell she was having a moment of clarity.  Almost as if she were making sure one last time, it would be OK for her to let go.  I nodded my head and squeezed her hand.  As I was removing the cardiac monitor to move her bed upstairs, an alarm went off.  Margaret was gone.  Peaceful and holding the hand of a loving stranger, I realized why she had been reaching toward the corner of the room.  I can't begin to imagine how glorious it was to see what awaited her.  A friend, peace, reassurance that what was to come would be superlative and holy.  An angel. 

The situation in which an angel was sent for ME was in the beginning of my paramedic career.  I was a baby paramedic and was having some difficulty with intubations.  Do not fear.  There are other ways in which to manage a person's airway.  Intubation is a tricky skill.  One that once you get one, it's just like riding a bike.  But until you do one successfully while kneeling in the corner of a room, covered in vomit, sweat dripping down your glasses into your eyes, pass no judgement.  At any rate, I was having difficulty.  Every call that came out as a critical one, possibly involving airway management, made me cringe.  I knew I could master this skill, I just wasn't sure I would do it any time soon.  I was working with a fantastic partner who supported me and understood my frustration.  Which is probably why he knew the call would be hard for me as soon as we got it.  A full arrest.  In the parking lot of a pharmacy.  I knew an intubation was necessary.  I just didn't know if I could do it.  I literally cried ALL the way to the call.  I cried and prayed.  I looked to God and prayed for Him to lay is healing hands upon me so that I may do His work.  These were the moments that counted.  It wasn't a subbed toe.  It wasn't a headache for three weeks.  This was saving lives and someone called ME to do it.  I prayed harder during our response than I ever had.  I know it was only a few minutes but it seemed like it took us years to get there.  We got on scene and we grabbed our equipment.  We were in a parking lot.  The patient's husband was there, the fire crew, and of course, bystanders.  Everyone looking to us like, "It's ok now.  These people will save her."  I prepared my equipment for intubation.  This lady needed adequate oxygenation and she needed it five minutes ago.  I opened her mouth, found her vocal cords, and inserted the breathing tube like I had done it for 15 years! I looked at my partner and gave him a huge smile.  I could tell he was proud of me too.  We ended up saving the woman and transported her to the hospital.  Sure, everyone thanked us, but I was thanking God.  I asked Him for help and He sent it.  I am 100% positive His angel was right there with me, holding their hands over mine as I placed the breathing tubes and gave this lady what she needed. 

Perhaps in the past I would also be skeptical of things such as this.  But until you experience the warmth and presence of an angel, you cannot know what it is like.  It's a feeling of comfort.  Like someone is touching your shoulder and whispering, "We have this."  No fear, no worry.  Just peace.  All you have to do is ask.