Fashion and Mommyhood

One of my most recurring thoughts is, "What did I do with all my free time?"  A friend told me I would think about this once Cooper arrived and boy, were they right.  I adore spending every moment with that precious little guy, but that doesn't mean I'm not tired.  Just as any good fashionista knows plaid and paisley are not a good combination, a momminista knows laziness just does not go with being a mommy.

Today was one of those "I hope they don't notice how long it's been since I've showered" days.  I did shower today, I was just thankful I didn't have to see anyone outside of the house before I got the chance.  I think one of the things that catches me off guard the most is that when Cooper naps, on paper, I have some time to throw in laundry, write a blog post, shower...but those nap times go so quickly that by the time you run to the bathroom, it seems like he's awake again! Don't get me wrong.  There are times where I'll sit on the couch for a minute and take a deep breath and rest.  But those moments are far and few between and don't last near long enough. 

Being as this is MY blog, I don't really feel like I should have to insert a disclaimer, but if I offend you, I apologize.  Go read someone else's blog who candy-coats reality and won't tell you how it really goes down.  The fact of the matter is, being a "most of the time" stay at home mom, is a lot harder than you may think.  And the harsh reality of that is, you won't understand it unless you've done it.  I, myself, used to think, "What's the big deal?"  It is a HUGE deal.  The day never stops and you look up at the clock, it's bedtime, and you think about how just 30 seconds ago it was lunch time.  Unfortunately, being a stay at home mom (again, I'm not a full-time SAHM, but most of my time is spent at home) you don't just take on responsibilities of caring for your child. (Heck! Some days, you're lucky to end the day with a child that's safe and a house that's still standing!)  There also comes regular non-child related chores.  Laundry continues to generate, dishes continue to dirty themselves, dogs still need to be fed and pottied, the toothpaste stains on the mirror still have to be wiped away, the bills still have to be paid, bank accounts managed, oh and by the way I have my own side business at home.  I have a lot of free time if you can't tell.  The skeptic will say, "But you can use paper plates, you don't have to own dogs, and you don't have to have your own business."  While that's all true and those are personal choices our household makes, they are still responsibilities.  Plus, paper goods are bad for the environment.  Save the planet! 

The point is, there is more to running a household with children than meets the eye.  May I also go back to the fact that my husband is gone for a minimum of 12 hours per shift?  Thus, the reason my kitchen table still looks like the laundry monster ate it.  You think it's not bad, but it's awful.  If I knew how to post a picture in here, I'd show you, but for now, just believe me.  At least it's clean laundry and we're not having to run around in the buff. 

Another thing that weighs on my mind is my friends.  Some days, I feel so horribly alienated it's not even funny.  I don't always expect them to come to me, but it's so overwhelming some days to go to them.  Tonight, I was supposed to go visit my sister-in-law whom I haven't seen in about 39 million years.  Cooper is finally napping and will hopefully go to sleep for the night here shortly, so I didn't feel like I could get him out in the cold and mix up his sleep schedule.  (We're finally recovering from the holidays!)  It just makes me sick to know I made these plans with her and now I'm backing out.  It makes me feel lazy and that's kind of it.  I don't want to pack up an entire diaper bag (which at four months, consists of everything but the kitchen sink), load up Cooper, unload him somewhere else, listen to him scream when he's exhausted but won't sleep because we're not at home, load him up at night in the cold, come home, inevitably he's fallen asleep in the car so I unload him, he wakes up and next thing I know we're up till midnight.  Knowing that I'm not going to get to sleep in the next day, that all seems very exhausting.  So, I choose to stay home.  Being reclusive.  It makes me sad.  I remember the times I could just grab my purse, jump in the car, and run to a girlfriend's house.  Doesn't happen that way anymore.  But on the other hand, I now get some pretty awesome smiles in the mornings.  Those by far outweigh the perks of traveling solo. 

With all that being said, I apologize to those I've had to break plans with or those who feel like I'm being selfish or lazy.  I'm not lazy.  I'm a mom.  And any good momminista knows laziness and mommyhood do not go hand in hand.