I hear the sirens already....

All good things must come to an end.  What is ending tonight?  My six month leave of absence from working on the ambulance.  Being part time, I didn't get an official "maternity leave."  I was given a six month leave of absence from working shifts on the ambulance.  I don't technically have to go back until February 1, but I figure it has to start some time so why not now, in the dead of winter.  (Nice timing on my part.) 

One of the biggest things bringing me down tonight is the reality of a 12 hour shift.  Being in dispatch, I've been able to somewhat make my own schedule based on babysitting arrangements, etc.  But going back to the truck means a full 12 hour shift.  Tomorrow will only be my second 12 hour shift since Cooper arrived and it's breaking my heart.  My shift starts at 11:45AM and ends at 11:45PM.  This means I will leave while he is taking his big morning nap, I will miss his afternoon awake time, feedings, and the one thing making me most heartbroken...bedtime.  I LOVE rocking Cooper and singing to him while he looks up and smiles and laughs just before his tiny eyelids gently fall closed.  It makes me cry just writing this. 

I suppose it will be nice to get back to the ambulance though.  It's been a while and it will be a change of scenery (Although the negative, saddened part of me says, "I don't want a change of scenery.  I want my mini Coop.)  I suspect that Cody will fill my emptiness by sending lots of pictures and perhaps a video or two.  I am so grateful for technology. 

This week I will be riding with an FTO (Field Training Officer).  I have to do a few precepted rideouts just to get back in the swing of things.  I am all for it though.  It's been so long (since last July) since I worked on the ambulance and it makes me more comfortable to have an extra set of eyes on scene for a while.  I'll do two shifts this week (tomorrow and Wednesday) and then I have three scheduled next week.  I just keep thinking about how after my shifts are done this week, I will have five days of uninterrupted Cooper time.  You can bet I'll be doing some extra snuggling this week!

This evening will be filled with preparing food for myself and Cody for the next week, gathering up uniforms (Which could take a forever.  I haven't pulled out any non-pregnant uniforms in quite a while.), bath time, Cooper snuggles, and probably some laundry.  I just hope I can get this sickening knot out of the pit of my stomach.  I hate this nervous feeling the night before a big day.  I know everything will be fine.  Everyone keeps telling me I'll fall right back into the swing of things.  That doesn't take away the hurt from leaving my boys.  (Some of you probably think I'm being over dramatic.  As I said in a PP, if you have kids, you understand.  It is absolutely heart-wrenching to leave you brand new baby, with whom you've spent ALL your time for 5 months).  I take comfort knowing that Cooper will be with Cody.  At least he's not being shipped off to some random place for 12 hours.  I know daycare is the only option for some people and I'm certainly not downing that.  We are just extremely fortunate that we do not have to do that with Cooper.  It also makes me comforted knowing that Cooper will be at home, where his normal routine can take place, with his daddy. 

I suppose I better get moving so I can get everything ready for tomorrow's adventures.  I'm sure I will have lots to blog about tomorrow.  Heck, I may have more posts tonight.  Probably about nothing, but maybe to release some emotions.  I don't know that I'll be getting much sleep tonight.  And for the first time in a long time it won't be because a diaper needs changed.....